Moving to Amsterdam from abroad: The impact on your mental health

Moving to Amsterdam can be an exciting and life-changing experience. Perhaps you came for a new job, a relationship, a different pace of life, or simply the desire to experience something new. There can be a real sense of adventure in starting again somewhere unfamiliar.

But alongside the excitement, moving abroad can also bring unexpected challenges to your mental health.

You may find yourself feeling more anxious than usual, lonely despite having a busy social life, overwhelmed by everyday tasks, or questioning whether you made the right decision. You might even feel guilty for struggling when you know that moving to the Netherlands was something you wanted.

These experiences are more common than you might think.

As an English-speaking psychologist in Amsterdam who works extensively with expats and international clients, I often see how moving countries can affect people's sense of stability, identity, relationships and wellbeing.

Why can moving abroad be so psychologically difficult?

Moving to another country is more than simply changing your address. It can involve losing many of the familiar things that quietly help us feel safe and grounded.

Before moving, you may have had established routines, close friendships, family nearby, a familiar workplace, favourite places, cultural references and a sense of knowing how things work.

Suddenly, even relatively ordinary tasks can require more mental effort.

You may need to navigate a new healthcare system, understand Dutch bureaucracy, find somewhere to live, establish yourself professionally, make new friends and learn how things are done differently.

At the same time, the people and places that previously provided emotional support may now be far away.

This can create a prolonged period of uncertainty and adjustment.

“But I wanted to move here. Why don't I feel happier?”

This is something that can be particularly confusing for expats.

You may have chosen to move to Amsterdam because you were excited about the opportunity. You may have planned the move for months or even years. Perhaps you imagined yourself cycling along the canals, meeting new people, enjoying your career and building an exciting new life.

Then reality arrives.

You discover that you miss your family. Making friends is harder than expected. Work isn't quite what you imagined. You don't feel as settled as you thought you would. Or you simply don't feel like yourself.

This can lead to thoughts such as:

“I should be enjoying this.”

“Other people seem to have adjusted much more easily.”

“Maybe I made the wrong decision.”

“What's wrong with me? I wanted this.”

There is an important distinction here: being grateful for an opportunity and finding it difficult are not mutually exclusive.

You can love aspects of living in Amsterdam and still miss home.

You can be excited about your new life and still feel lonely.

You can know that moving abroad was the right decision for you and still experience anxiety.

Difficult emotions don't necessarily mean that you've made the wrong choice.

The loneliness of being an expat

One of the biggest challenges of moving abroad can be building a new support network.

You may meet plenty of people. You might have colleagues, acquaintances, friends through social groups or other international people you've met since arriving.

Yet having people around you isn't necessarily the same as feeling connected.

Meaningful relationships usually take time. Friendships that have developed over years at home cannot necessarily be recreated within a few weeks or months.

There can also be a particular difficulty for expats in Amsterdam because international communities can feel both welcoming and temporary. People move countries, return home, change jobs or relocate again.

You may find yourself wondering:

“Will these people still be here in a year?”

Over time, this uncertainty can contribute to a feeling of not being fully rooted.

When everything feels harder than it used to

Another common experience is feeling overwhelmed by things that previously seemed manageable.

You might notice yourself becoming more anxious about work, avoiding social situations, overthinking conversations or worrying about decisions that you would normally make quite easily.

This can happen because your usual coping strategies are being stretched.

When we are in familiar environments, we have an enormous amount of knowledge that we don't consciously think about. We know how to communicate, where to go, who to ask for help and what is expected of us.

Living abroad removes some of that automatic familiarity.

As a result, your brain may spend more time anticipating problems and trying to work out what might happen next.

For someone who already tends towards anxiety, perfectionism or needing certainty, this can be particularly challenging.

Your identity can change too

Moving abroad can also affect how you see yourself.

Perhaps you were confident and established in your home country. You knew your role at work, had a strong social identity and felt competent navigating everyday life.

Then you move somewhere new and suddenly feel like a beginner again.

You might question:

• Am I good at my job?

• Do people understand me?

• Do I fit in here?

• Am I making the right choices?

• Who am I without my usual support network?

• Where is home now?
  

This can be particularly difficult for people whose self-esteem has been closely connected to achievement, competence or being in control.

A move abroad can expose some of these underlying beliefs because the environment no longer provides the same reassurance.

The pressure to adapt quickly

There can also be an expectation that you should “settle in” relatively quickly.

Perhaps you've been in the Netherlands for six months and think you should have made more friends by now.

Or you've been here for two years and wonder why you still don't feel completely at home.

But adjustment isn't a race.

There is no universal timeline for feeling settled in another country. Some people feel comfortable very quickly; for others, it takes considerably longer.

And sometimes the initial excitement of moving abroad can mask difficulties that only become apparent later.

This doesn't mean that you are failing to adapt.

It may simply mean that you're still finding your way.

When is it more than normal adjustment?

Moving abroad is inherently challenging, and some degree of stress, uncertainty or homesickness can be a normal part of the process.

However, it may be worth seeking additional support if you notice that difficulties are becoming persistent or significantly affecting your life.

For example, you might experience:

• persistent anxiety or worry

• low mood or loss of motivation

• increasing social withdrawal

• difficulty sleeping

• frequent overthinking

• panic or physical symptoms of anxiety

• feeling constantly overwhelmed

• significant problems at work

• difficulties in your relationships

• persistent feelings of loneliness or not belonging

• relying increasingly on avoidance, alcohol or other coping strategies

You don't have to wait until things become overwhelming before seeking support.

How therapy can help

Therapy can provide a space to step back from everything that is happening and understand what may be underneath your current difficulties.

Sometimes the challenge is primarily about adjustment to a new environment. At other times, moving abroad can bring existing patterns to the surface.

For example, someone who has always dealt with uncertainty by trying to control everything may find moving countries particularly difficult.

Someone with perfectionistic tendencies may feel enormous pressure to build the “perfect” life in their new country.

Someone who relies heavily on external validation may struggle when their usual social and professional sources of reassurance disappear.

And someone with longstanding difficulties around relationships or belonging may find that being far from home intensifies these feelings.

Understanding these patterns can be an important first step towards changing them.

In my work with expats and international clients in Amsterdam, I draw on approaches including Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Schema Therapy.

CBT can help you understand the relationship between your thoughts, feelings and behaviours. ACT can help you develop a different relationship with difficult thoughts and emotions rather than constantly trying to eliminate them. Schema Therapy can help explore deeper patterns and beliefs that may have developed through earlier experiences and continue to influence how you see yourself and your relationships.

The approach is always adapted to the individual.

You don't have to choose between “staying” and “going home”

When you're struggling abroad, it can be tempting to think that there are only two options:

“I need to make this work.”

or

“I need to leave.”

But there is often a lot of space between those two extremes.

You can take time to understand what you're experiencing before making major decisions.

Sometimes therapy can help you distinguish between difficulties that are part of adjusting to a new life and difficulties that reflect deeper patterns or unmet needs.

It can also help you work out what you actually want, rather than making decisions primarily from a place of anxiety, loneliness or overwhelm.

You can find your own version of home

Moving abroad doesn't have to be entirely positive to be worthwhile.

You don't have to love every part of living in Amsterdam.

You don't have to stop missing home.

You don't have to feel settled all the time.

And you don't have to compare your experience with other expats who appear to have adapted effortlessly.

Building a life in another country takes time. It involves loss as well as opportunity, uncertainty as well as excitement, and sometimes a process of figuring out who you are in a new environment.

If you're struggling, it doesn't necessarily mean that something has gone wrong.

It may simply mean that you're going through a significant transition and could benefit from having some support while you navigate it.

For expats and international clients living in Amsterdam, psychological therapy can provide a space to explore these experiences in English, understand the patterns contributing to your difficulties and develop a greater sense of confidence, connection and wellbeing in your new life.

Whether you've recently moved to Amsterdam or have been living in the Netherlands for years, therapy can offer a confidential space to step back, make sense of what you're experiencing and work towards meaningful change.

I offer face-to-face therapy in Amsterdam as well as online psychological therapy, making it possible to access support in a way that fits around your life.

If you're looking for an English-speaking psychologist or therapist in Amsterdam and would like to explore whether therapy could be helpful for you, you can learn more about my approach and services at International Wellbeing Psychologist or get in touch to arrange an initial appointment.